By: Becki Neidens, Director of Wyoming Programs
You may occasionally find yourself pulling your hair out thinking that if only your child would try harder, then he (or she) would do better. For this purpose we’ll use “he”. Consider for a moment that perhaps if only he did better, that he may try harder. Nothing motivates a person more towards success than tasting a bit of sweet success. There are many ways in which you can help your child begin to pave the pathway to success. Teaching your child to set and reach attainable goals can certainly be the foundation to that road. Each time a goal is set and reached, your child holds a brick of confidence to place along his journey. With each new brick laid, success becomes attainable – and familiar.
In addition to being the prime motivator toward success, goal setting has also been identified as one of six key attributes of life long success for people diagnosed with Learning Differences by the Frostig Center out of Pasadena, California. Helping your child to develop solid goal setting and attainment skills will go a long way in ensuring his overall success in life.
The biggest trick in creating those first few bricks to lay on the road, is that the goals must be important to your child, and therefore chosen by your child. Challenge yourself this week to sit down with your child, help him to set an attainable goal that can be achieved within a week or so (allow your child to determine the deadline for goal achievement), help him to identify the steps necessary to achieve the goal, help him to develop a system of accountability, help him by providing support and interest throughout the week, and have a formal check-in at the end of the week to celebrate the success.
WHAT IT COULD LOOK LIKE:
Schedule time to visit with your child on Sunday evening. Let him know that your time will be spent on goal setting so that he has some time to think about what might be important to him. Assure your child that this will be HIS goal, not yours. As much as you might want to corner him into a homework-related goal, allow it to be a safe place for him to choose a goal that may not be related to school or academics whatsoever. Where you can provide the greatest assistance in the goal setting process is in asking some guided question to help him see if the goal is realistic, attainable, and short term (you will get to long term goals once a couple of bricks are piled together and the skill of goal setting has been learned).
Once an appropriate goal has been chosen, your child may need some assistance in identifying action steps to take to meet the goal. What are the options? What course of action might your child take to meet the goal? What concrete plans can be made? How often will he be spending time devoted to this goal? What time of the day or how often will he need to be working on the goal? Are there others involved? If so, how do their schedules coordinate? This is the step where the nitty gritty of goal attainment is worked out, and quite often the most difficult for our children to conceptualize. It is extremely helpful to have the action step written out so that it is concrete and you can pull it out each day during the accountability meeting.
The next step, developing a system of accountability, is often the most frustrating part of the child/parent relationship in terms of goal setting. The beauty of this first step is it is 100% the child’s goal. Your role is simply to support his success. Schedule specific times with your child throughout the week to check in on the goal progress. Remind yourself that your role is to support, encourage, and celebrate the successes. If you learn during a scheduled check-in that your child did not hold up his end and complete some of the action steps he came up with, this is not the time to admonish him. Instead, it is an opportunity for learning and growth. Provide positive feedback on the steps that he did complete, and then help him discover where the breakdown occurred. Ask him questions so that he can identify why an action step did not get completed – allow him the safe place to be honest with himself and with you. Help him to identify what can be done the next time so that he is able to follow through with the plan he put in place. Remember that it is his goal and your job is to support him in achieving it. The most important part of the accountability meetings is focusing on the positives and teaching the process of goal setting and attainment. Part of that is teaching is understanding that there may always be bumps along the road, and failing forward is a big part of learning and growth…only as long as you pick yourself back up and continue to move forward.
The final check-in meeting is scheduled for whenever your child determined to be the deadline for his goal. This meeting is where that brick of success and confidence and cemented. Allow your child to truly celebrate his success of achieving the goal he set forth. Congratulate him for the hard work and dedication it took to meet the goal – allow him the opportunity to reflect on the process and take pride in his new accomplishment. Perhaps you have dinner at his favorite restaurant or you spend a couple of hours together doing his favorite activity – something that will be meaningful to your child. Making a big deal to recognize the development of the skill of goal setting cannot be understated.
Success breeds success. After taking the time to revel in the glory of the first brick, see what goal your child would like to work toward next. With consistent support, the bricks will be piling up and creating that road to a successful and happy future.
